+ I will keep my eyes upon Jesus +

Tuesday 26 July 2005
*.* *.*

My very stressful period is here again. Think about it, poly is actually quite stressful. The moment you start school you actually count down 2 months to your common tests and after that another 1 month to your exams and then holidays for less than a month. And what is the price? The price you graduate 2-3 months earlier.

I'm paying my price right now. The price for not listening during lectures. What do I do? Hmmmm.. I sleep, sms, draw, read, eat, chit-chat, skip class and go shopping alone... That's what I usually do during lectures. Ya, I'm a bad gal, so please don't follow my footsteps. Now I'm suffering for paying the price. Thank God the lecture notes are rather idiot-proof. Easy to read and understand just that I wish I have some elephant brain to help me remember all that I need to know. Then again, I wish someone will invent an external hard disk for use of brains only.

Well well, nothing much really happen lately. I find myself rather relax (don't talk about exams) lately. I have no idea why but just feel myself beginning to not put a lot of things to heart be it the things happen around me, what people say about me and stuffs like that. I begin to let go a lot of things in my life too. Not because I'm being ignorant but I just I begin to learn to trust God a lot more.

Sometimes I wonder what I want, how I want my life to be, what will I do, where will I go especially after my poly. I think a lot about this but I fear a lot about this too. I fear of the unknown. I'm afraid of taking the wrong path, I don't want myself to regret after living in this pathetic earth for so long. The more I think, the more I cannot imagine putting myself into different area of this earth so I rather not think and do I have now. I'm contented to what I have now and what I don't.

Recently I watched the cartoon on Max Lucado's production on the Wemmicks. Though it's just a half an hour show and it's cartoon, it's really has a lot for me to learn. I simply watch it over and over again.

It's a matter of knowing your Creator better and trusting Him with all you have...

posted by Michelle at 23:02:00 | 0 comments

Saturday 16 July 2005
*.* B.R.E.A.K.T.H.R.O.U.G.H. *.*

Finally I feel a breakthrough with my playing. Each time when I play the keyboard for cell's worship, I also get so conscious that I couldn't play well at all. At times I even want to give up and even told myself that I don't wish to touch the keyboard anymore.

Yesterday cell was great. Though there were only a few of us, we knew God was here and was ministering to us. It was also the very first time I felt confident in my playing (there were still mistakes here and there) and it was very anointing. The moment I get conscious, I will play wrongly. I remember reading a book and it says: "Let Me (Jesus) have your hands. Now relax in Me and let My Spirit work through you.... The more I relaxed and trusted Him, the more He was able to do with my life."

Cell leader wasn't around and we were at some loss, not knowing what to do. Well, we ended up having sharing session and having to discuss for cell outing. I shared with the cell of a passage from a book.

It was a story of a man who just invited God into his life. The initial stage was very on fire for God and he could meet Him every morning without fail. As days went by, his meetings with Him were getting lesser and lesser and eventually done. When God asked him to bring Him along to wherever he go, he refused. As he was out with his friends he felt guilty for neglecting God because he invited Him into his life yet neglecting Him. When God told him that he hasn't let go of some other things, he refused to surrender and God say either they stay or I'll go. Soon, the man surrendered.

As I was reading this particular story, it kept me thinking of what are some areas of my life that I refuse to surrender to God and or have not surrender to God and I post the same question to the rest of the cell members too.

I still don't have the answer to that. Probably I haven't think hard enough. But I must say, I trust Him in everything of my life, every aspect.

posted by Michelle at 22:31:00 | 0 comments

Saturday 2 July 2005
*.* I've got my answer!! *.*

I guess I've got my answer to my question. I know why God give babies yet decide to take it away. There are many possible reasons.

1. God gave us a body. But if we choose not to take good care of our body, then He will decide what to do with our body.

2. God made the masterpiece. If He knows that this masterpiece is not up to His standard, then He will take it away.

3. It's His will to give and take away. He is probably putting His people to test.

4. Sometimes, short term pain is better than long term pain. If God knows that the baby is going to suffer with the parents or the other way round when the baby is born, then in this case short term pain is really better than long term pain and God is being merciful and gracious enough to take the baby away.

These are the reasons that came to my mind. I've never thought about it until today. Well, of course the emotional pain is not easy to handle. Sometimes, we really have no choice but to accept what God has for us. On the other had, there are at some times that we cannot accept the fact and we shunt off from God for a period of time.

I can only pray that this couple be stronger in their walk with God and trust God for better things. Who knows, maybe she might get pregnant and maybe twins?
I'm reading a book now and it keep reminding me that God will only give us the best and only the best. He won't even give us the second best.

All we need is trust Him. Have faith in Him. That's in fact all the He ask from us.

Well... PRAYER CHANGES THINGS

posted by Michelle at 22:09:00 | 1 comments